I’ve always been told that being pregnant is a wonderful thing, and it is. It also really sucked.
I hate being pregnant. I know there are people who aren’t able to carry a baby and I can’t imagine the pain that brings. However, that doesn’t mean I have to love being pregnant.
Growing up, I thought that I would have a baseball team of children. I love kids. I love how they talk, play, and how intensely they like or dislike things, and I adore my daughter, but I also never want to be pregnant again. The thought alone makes me feel sick to my stomach, and because of pregnancy, I know that feeling very well.
I was sick the entire time I was pregnant. I was sick in the morning, at night, in the afternoon, and even while I was in labor. It wasn’t just that I was throwing up. I would throw up and dry-heave so hard that I would see stars or even pee on myself. You would think you would stop being sick after you no longer have anything left in your stomach. That’s not always the case. I would throw up over twenty times a day, at times.
The misery of pregnancy wasn’t just about morning sickness.
It seemed like everything that could suck about my pregnancy, did. I had to get the shots from having a negative blood type and I had to get antibiotics before and after I delivered. I couldn’t eat, I was depressed, I had horrible acne and greasy hair, and I was having the worst time.
It was an isolating feeling.
Family and friends would sympathize, but there’s only so much they could understand. Everyone has been sick or felt down on themselves, but I felt so alone in my own head and struggles. Anxiety has been a problem my whole life and pregnancy made it worse than it ever has been. I was so convinced something was going to go wrong that I became detached from the pregnancy. I bought only a handful of things for my daughter before she was born. There was no beautiful nursery that I always imagined I would create. Looking back, I can see that I needed help, but I kept most of my feelings to myself.
This is something that needs to be talked about more.
I researched things about babies and pregnancies. I was so anxious about everything that could go wrong and I wanted to know all that I could. While doing this research, I never saw someone talk about how hard being pregnant can be. I read about post-partum depression, but not much was out there about depression during pregnancy.
I want to make this something that isn’t so taboo to talk about. Every time I mention how much I hate being pregnant, I get weird looks or mean comments. It’s okay to not want to carry another baby. It’s not a magical fairytale for everyone. I am so happy for people who have easy pregnancies, but that’s not the case for everyone.
It’s also okay if your pregnancy wasn’t that bad and you still didn’t like it.
My sister-in-law went to the hospital from throwing up so much and she still had another baby. That was her choice, and I am happy for her. But, even though she did, it doesn’t mean I have to. I have family members that put pressure on me having another baby, my husband included. It feels like that belittles the struggle that I went through. The response is always, “Well, wasn’t it worth it?” Yes, it was worth it, but that doesn’t mean that I have to do it again. This goes for anyone. Horrible pregnancy or not.
If you are currently struggling with any of these things, please talk to someone. Talk to your doctor, a friend, or your spouse. It’s not fair to you to force yourself to be alone in your struggles. While talking to people helps, don’t allow anyone to tell you how you should feel. Whether you love or hate being pregnant, the choice is yours, and that is a beautiful thing.
Did you have an easy or a hard pregnancy? Let me know in the comments!
If you need someone to reach out to, please don’t hesitate to contact me. I would be happy to help or just listen to you vent.